


Stay By My Side

by reddominae



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Post-Game, lovers reunited, star crossed lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-18 23:05:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2365316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddominae/pseuds/reddominae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their affair had been a long and complicated one, riddled with pain and heartache and betrayal, but there had also been love.  The Warden-Commander, Hayden Amell, had come to Kirkwall on 'Warden Business' but that was more of an excuse rather than her purpose for being there.  She had intended to reconnect with an old friend, an old love, but now that the Chantry has been destroyed and Hawke and their companions have fled, all that is left is a city in turmoil.  Will Hayden find love amidst the chaos?  Or will she be left alone and in the cold?  Written for the Dragon Age Reverse Big Bang 2014.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay By My Side

**Author's Note:**

> This story took me on such a ride, but one I so thoroughly enjoyed. It was such a treat to write for this pairing and to explore all of the facets of such a dynamic and charged couple. I hope you enjoy it as much I did writing it!
> 
> Find thepopcornmaster's master post and BEAUTIFUL art here: http://thepopcornmaster.tumblr.com/post/98552007482/coming-home-so-heres-my-da-reverse-big-bang
> 
> Bioware owns all.  
> Enjoy :)

Hayden Amell pulled the hood of her cloak further down and over her face. She doubted she would be recognized here but it paid to be prudent. She folded in on herself, trying to make her demeanor as small and unimposing as possible as she stuck to the shadows the moon overhead provided. 

_The sky had been red that night, ash and fire had rained down from the heavens, while screams of panic and cries of anguish howled on the wind. Her help had been rebuked that night. Time and time again her healing hands had been spit upon, adults had lashed out at her, and children had cowered before her. She was not welcomed. Her ‘kind’ was not welcomed._

_Rushing through the streets and the smoke burning in her lungs, she had set a brutal pace. Her legs had protested with every stride and her limbs had ached with every spell she cast, but she could not stop, she had to continue on._  

She quietly climbed the steps of Templar Hall, her leather boots padding softly against the stone. Hayden was surprised that there were as little Templars as there were in the Gallows, but it made sense that they were mostly elsewhere, their charges having been slaughtered or had escaped.

It was unnervingly silent in the hall, oppressively so. Even the few Templars that were about moved with horror in their eyes, numb to their surroundings. It was as if the acts that had been committed and witnessed had been carved into the consciousness of the place; it was suffocating. 

_They had stepped onto the docks bloodied and haggard but that hadn’t stopped her from pulling Anders aside— hadn’t stopped her palm from violently connecting with his face._

_“How could you do this? Do you know what you’ve done? Do you know how many mages I have had to kill?” she had asked him, fury and confusion and heartbreak coloring her tone. When the mage had flared blue and she had heard the voice of an old friend, her eyes had widened, the pieces finally falling into place. “You stupid idiots,”_  

Finding an unlocked door, Hayden slipped inside unnoticed. The interior was dimly lit with torches spaced at wide intervals, the flames casting sinister shadows about the place. As she made her way through the hallways, Hayden felt as if the walls and ceiling bore down upon her, reminding her of her life in Kinloch Hold. She shuddered.

Hayden wasn’t entirely sure where she was going. She had a general direction but beyond that she was walking blind. She hoped that she found the office she was looking for soon because explaining her presence would not be easy, and she had a feeling that her title of Warden-Commander wouldn’t be of much help to her here. 

_She had watched with a heavy heart as Isabela’s ship disappeared into the horizon. Carver and Nathaniel had stood behind her, silent in their companionship and she had appreciated it. Had she been foolish to let Anders go? Was she doing him any favors for allowing him to return to a life on the run? She didn’t know._

_Before he had left, she had offered protection to Anders with the Grey Wardens. He was technically still a part of the order, and as such the Chantry wouldn’t be able to touch him, but he had refused. As his once commander, she could have ordered him to return with her or detained him forcefully, but that wasn’t her way, and so she ended up giving him one last hug, wishing him luck and safety, and said her final goodbye to her old friend._  

Hayden stood in the doorway and smiled softly to herself. Of course he would be up this late still working, he had never been any other way. He had removed his armor for the night, it sitting on an armor stand in the corner of his office, and he sat as his desk in a pair of leather breeches and a loose fitting linen top. The flickering glow of candlelight highlighted the crease between his brows and the exhaustion apparent in his features, but even so, Hayden had thought him as handsome as ever.

“Knight-Captain Cullen?” Hayden asked as she stepped into the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

“I’m sure that whatever it is it can wait until….” Cullen trailed off as he looked up from the ledger he had been reading, his eyes widening and confusion clouded his expression, “Hayden? Wha—what are you doing here?”

“I was in the neighborhood,” she shrugged playfully.

“You shouldn’t be here,”

Hayden felt as if she had been slapped.

“Oh, um, I’m sorry. I thought…I mean it’s been…” the ground had disappeared from beneath her feet and she suddenly felt very self-conscious. Just because she had missed him and had wanted to see him didn’t mean that he felt the same, especially with what had just happened in Kirkwall.

Hayden cleared her throat and shook off her embarrassment. It was apparent Cullen didn’t want her there and so she would oblige him. Straightening her spine and infusing it with steel, she locked eyes with the Templar,

“My apologies, Knight-Captain, I will take my leave,”

“Hayden!” Cullen blurted out, pushing away from his desk, “No, I didn’t mean—“he surged across the room and placed his hand over Hayden’s, which lingered on the doorknob, “please stay,”

They couldn’t have stood there for more than a heartbeat but it had felt as if time had stopped. Hayden turned into Cullen, her eyes skimming the expanse of exposed shin his shirt revealed, itching to run her fingers through the soft, golden hair that covered his chest; Cullen longed to push back her hood, to see her beautiful red hair once more and to breathe in her scent and to let it consume him.

A noise from down the hall broke the spell and the two adults took a careful step back from one another, remembering their surroundings. Cullen recovered first.

“What are you doing here Hayden?” he asked.

“Would you believe I was on my way to see you but then everything went to hell?” Hayden replied but immediately regretted it when she saw Cullen tense. He leveled his gaze upon her.

“Do you know where _he_ is?”

“Yes,”

“Will you tell me where he’s gone?”

“No,”

A tense silence fell between the two as they stood looking at each other, gauging the other’s resolve, waiting for the other’s move but then it all erupted with Cullen’s anger,

“How can you protect him?!” the Templar seethed with anger, “Do you know what he’s done? How many _innocent_ lives have been lost because of _him_?” he stomped away from her towards his desk, “He may have been a _friend_ of yours but he has—”

“ _Do not_ lecture me, Cullen,” Hayden threw back, “I am well aware of Ander’s actions and their repercussions,” her hands curled into fists by her side as she stared at him defiantly, “I do not agree with his methods but do not stand here and tell me he is solely at fault. For _years_ I have heard of the cruelty and horrors that were _allowed_ here and so I am not surprised—”

“You find his actions justifiable?!”

“Did the actions of one man _justify_ the slaughter of innocent lives? _Justify_ the Right of Annulment?”

“I didn’t invoke the Right!”

“But you did nothing to stop it!”

Hayden’s fingers sparked, her emotions manifesting themselves through her magic. She quickly clasped her hands in front of her and bowed her head.

“I’m sorry,” she said shamefaced, “I didn’t come here to argue with you and you don’t deserve my ire,”

“No—I am to blame as well,” Cullen replied before slowly making his way towards Hayden again, “it is just that I have spent the last few days going over the events again and again and how I—,” he sighed, “I am very tired,”

Cullen regarded Hayden carefully, as he stood before her. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, but her eyes, even though downcast, were bright and brilliant and it took his breath away. He tentatively reached out and took a hold of her hands,

“Hayden…my dear, dear Hayden,” he placed a tender kiss on her fingertips, “Why are you here in Kirkwall?”

“Because I have missed you,”

Cullen cupped Hayden’s cheek and she turned into his touch, humming in approval.

“Knight-Captain! Knight-Captain!” a frantic voice called out, the sound of metal clanging closer and closer, “Knight-Captain! Magic!”

Cullen jerked his hand back to his side and cast his eyes about the room for a place to hide Hayden, but his office was sparse. For the first time, he cursed the Order and their monastic ways. Quickly, Cullen herded Hayden into the corner behind the door.

“The Order has been on constant alert since the Chantry, even the smallest use of magic will set them on edge,” Culled whispered hurriedly, “Some of the knights must have sensed you during our…our disagreement,” he pushed her further into the shadows, pulling her cloak tighter about her, “I will lead them away and you must use the distraction to get out of here,”

Hayden clutched at Cullen’s forearms as he pulled away, “I’m staying in Hawke’s old estate, come and find me there tomorrow,”

“I—”

“Knight-Captain!”

“Go, Hayden, now,” Cullen grabbed his sword from where it had been leaning against his armor stand and rushed out into the hallway, making sure the door to his office closed behind him.

Hayden heard muffled conversation through the door but couldn’t quite make out what was being said, but she heard when Cullen barked an order at the other Templar and had heard when the two set down the hallway and away from her. She quickly slipped out of the room and just like her arrival into Templar Hall, her exit was as quiet and as undetected as before.

\-----

The Hawke estate had suffered some damage from the destruction of the Chantry but on the whole it was still in good condition. Portraits and sculptures littered the floor, draperies hung askance and furniture had been turned on its side, but Hayden wasn’t sure how much of the mess was due to the force of the explosion or from the mad dash Hawke and her companions had made in their rushed escape. Either way it was a welcome place to stay after weeks on the road.

Hayden sat in front of the fire in the common room staring into its dying embers that lay in the hearth. The orange flames flickered in the coals and with each moment they grew smaller and fainter, just like her hopes. She had tried to distract herself all day, caring and polishing for her equipment, going over travel routes with Nathaniel and Carver, she had even tidied around the estate, even though there was no need to, all to distract herself from the truth: he wasn’t coming.

There had been a small part of Hayden that had expected this. It was no surprise to her that he had decided to stay with the Order, she even understood it to a point. In times of chaos and unrest you turn to that which is familiar, that which can ground you when everything else falls ways. She had hoped that she could be that for him, like she had been at one point, but too much time, too much turmoil had passed between them. It hurt but she understood.

“Lady Amell?” Bodhan shuffled into view of the fireplace, “Orana has some tea ready if you’d like. It was a favorite of Messere Hawke’s. I could bring some to you if you please,”

“That would be wonderful, Bodhan. Thank you,” Hayden replied with a small smile and watched the dwarf until he disappeared from her view again.

 _Lady Amell._ It was strange to be in a house that by all accounts belonged to her family, albeit a family she had never known. Well, that wasn’t true, she had known Carver for a few years now, but he was more of a Hawke than an Amell, not accustomed to nor in want of a life at court. It was still odd to think, had she not been born a mage would she have visited this estate? The people who lived within? Would she have attended grand parties in beautiful gowns had she not been born with magic?

Well, if anything, it was a pretty thought at least.

Bodhan returned quickly with the promised tea and poured Hayden a cup, “I wanted to thank you again, Lady Amell, for allowin’ me and my boy to accompany you back to Ferelden. With Messere Hawke gone there isn’t much left for me and the boy,” Bodhan said as he handed Hayden her cup.

“Of course, Bodhan, I am happy to have your company again, if only for a short time,” Hayden replied, “and Bodhan, I know it has been some years since we saw each other last, but there is no need to call me ‘Lady Amell’, for you it’s just Hayden. After all, you did help me defeat the Blight,” she smiled genuinely before taking a sip.

“Don’t know about that, trailed after you more like, and I don’t think I can call you by just your given name, not right for someone like you, but I’ll call you what I called you back then,” the fatherly dwarf commented, “Is there anything else I can help ya with, Warden?” Hayden assured the dwarf that she was fine and he turned to leave.

Hayden sat by herself and casually sipped at her tea, debating on whether or not to turn in for the night. A small, wistful part of her clung to the hope that he would turn up but the more rational, larger part of herself knew that if he was to come he would have already. The realization made her ache, made her curse herself for her foolishness, and it may have been her imagination, but with every sip of her tea it grew colder and colder until it sat like ice inside her.

The door to the kitchen swung open and with it came the noise of her entourage of Wardens enjoying their supper. Hawke’s servant had kept the larder well supplied and her men were thankful for it. They had especially liked the sweet buns that had been left, and they had lamented them greatly when they had feasted upon them all.

“Warden-Commander,” heavy boots echoed off of the walls as their owner approached Hayden, “Are we to stay another day?”

Hayden held her cup in her lap, an idle finger tracing its rim. Should they stay another day? Could they afford to stay another day was the more appropriate question. There was important work to be done in Amaranthine and delaying their departure would only make her work that much more cumbersome upon her return.

“No,” Hayden replaced her cup onto its tray and stood to face the two wardens that had come to speak with her, “We leave first thing tomorrow,”

Nathaniel and Carver both looked at Hayden with mutual expressions of surprise.

“Are you sure, Commander?”

“Surely we can delay—,”

“No,” Hayden cut the two men off, “We’ve wasted enough time. Tell the men to gather as many provisions and supplies as possible from the estate and to enjoy their last night here. It will be a long time before we shall have shelter, or food, as fine as this again,”

“Yes, Commander,”

“Of course, Commander,”

\-----

She stood outside of Kirkwall and gazed up at its dirty walls. The sun had already begun to peek over the horizon and its early-morning glow flashed upon the city’s bronze statues that stood sentinel at the gates. Her party was all packed, their supplies restocked and their provisions restored, there was nothing compelling them to stay and yet Hayden had been unable to move.

“Warden-Commander?”

Her feet were glued to the earth, her soul inwardly crying out, asking not to be separated from its desire. She had been so close. She had seen him, touched him, but now she stood alone. That should have been enough for her, she was standing there _alone._ He had made his decision and it should have made hers easier to make but she kept standing there all the same.

“Warden-Commander?”

Hayden willed him to appear, wished with all her being that he would stride towards her, she even pleaded with the Maker that he would send him to her, but she knew…she knew…

“Warden-Commander!” a hand grasped Hayden’s shoulder and it shocked her into reality. She quickly spun around, her staff almost knocking her upside the head in the process.

“Yes, Carver?” she asked, trying appear as if she hadn’t just been spacing out

“Are you ready to depart?” he asked as he regarded her carefully.

Hayden spared Kirkwall one last look over her shoulder before returning her gaze to the other Warden, “Yes, let’s—let’s get going,” Carver nodded his understanding and gave her shoulder a squeeze and then turned away as he began to give the order to head out.

It had gotten easier the farther they distanced themselves from Kirkwall and the weight that had laid heavy on Hayden’s chest slowly lifted as the city faded into the horizon. She had continued on in silence for the first few hours of their journey, content to keep council with her own thoughts, but soon the banter and stories of the other Wardens pulled her out of her inner musings and she joined in with the others and their revelry.

At night, once they had set camp for the evening, it grew difficult again for Hayden. She had retired early for the night, citing fatigue, but Nathaniel had given her a look that he knew her words to be false, but still, he had given no comment and she had been relieved.

Hayden laid nestled in her blankets, staring at the ceiling of her tent, and listened as one by one her fellow Wardens drifted off to their own tents for the night. Soon the only sounds to be heard were the cracking of the fire and the two Wardens that stood watch for the first shift of the evening.

Faint murmuring reached her ears but she paid little attention to it, most likely it was just the Wardens on watch keeping themselves entertained, but when shadowy figured appeared on the canvas of her tent a few minutes later, Hayden sat up.

“Nathaniel, I appreciate your concern but—but—,” Hayden’s entire body stilled and her breathing stopped. She didn’t want to move lest she wake herself from her dream, “Cullen?”

The Templar stood crouched at the foot of her tent, holding its flap open, his face faintly illuminated by the starry night above. He had a large bag by his side.

“May I—ahem—may I come in?” Cullen asked so quietly Hayden wasn’t even sure she had heard him. She couldn’t speak so instead she nodded her assent. The Templar carefully placed his bag inside the tent, shuffling it into the corner, before crawling inside himself.

“I—I, uh—well, I—“

“Cullen,” Hayden whispered, “what are you doing here?”

“Yes, well, um—ahem—I—I am here—I am here to—to join you,” the Templar fidgeted with his fingers.

“But you—you didn’t come to the estate, I thought…I thought you had—,”

“I had been busy with Templar duties,” Cullen interrupted, Hayden regarded him cautiously, “but to be honest, that was just an excuse. I could have made time—but, well, I was still so uncertain. With everything that had happened in Kirkwall…the Chantry…I didn’t think I’d be able to…”

“I see,”

“No! No,” Cullen sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “I woke up this morning and decided that we at least should talk more than what we had but when I arrived at the estate you were gone and…and my entire life flashed before my eyes,” he tentatively reached for Hayden’s hands, “It was a life filled with duty and responsibility and honor but it was a life without you and I realized that…I realized that I had been a fool. You had been in my arms and I had let you go,” Cullen gazed into her eyes, “I have never been a happier or better man than I am when I am with you. I will leave if you ask and I will understand, but,” he took a deep breath, “but if you’ll let me, I will stay by your side, never to be parted again,”

Hayden stared at Cullen, words failing her. It was only this morning that she had thought to have said goodbye to her love for the last time, but now, now he was here, with her, and vowing never to leave her again.

All she could do was stare.

“Hayden?” Cullen gently asked, a tender hand cupping her cheek.

“I’m dreaming,” she said, her tone detached, “this is all a dream and when I wake you’ll be gone, a cruel trick of the Fade,” tears began to glint in her eyes.

“No, no, my love,” Cullen brought his other hand to cup Hayden’s face, “I am not a dream and you are not in the Fade—”

“Out demon!” Hayden cried, tears flowing freely, “You show me that which I desire most but I cannot have him. He made his decision and I—I must—I must live—,”

Cullen pulled Hayden into a searing kiss, pouring all of his love and devotion into it. Hayden stilled at first but slowly she melted into him, her hands fisting into his cloak as she tried to close the gap between their bodies. The two of them came together in a frenzy, lost time and heartache fueling their passion.

Cullen broke off from the kiss and placed his forehead against Hayden, “Do you think me a dream now, love?” Hayden shook her head no, her delicate fingers caressed the lines of his face, “And will you have me? Will you let me stay?”

Hayden looked into the Templar’s eyes and a joy she had not felt in years began to bubble up within her, its light filling her, so much so she was scared she might burst from its sheer magnitude. How long had she prayed for this day? How many times had she thought this day was never to be? Yet, here she was with Cullen in her tent and the promise of a life with him stretched out before her. It would not be easy, their love never had been, but it _was_ theirs and she never wanted to live without it again.

Hayden leaned in and placed a soft and loving kiss upon Cullen’s lips,

“I will never say goodbye to you again,” she promised, “and I will stay by your side until the blackness takes me,”

“I love you Hayden,”

“I love you too,

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at reddominae.tumblr.com


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